May 26, 2016
One year on, how am I coping? I still have people asking me how I'm dealing with life now or how am I feeling after going through...
One year on, how am I coping?
I still have people asking me how I'm dealing with life now or how am I feeling after going through THE breakup. Some apologised because they want to hear me talk about it. To be honest, I got over it entirely. I can now genuinely joke about the whole thing and not feel melodramatic about the whole incident.
I am glad I wrote the breakup post. Writing that post was not about getting sympathy. Nor was it to make him look bad. It was a closure. I held on to the secret that it was, for six months before deciding to let the world know. When I did, I felt at peace. I found the closure that I needed.
So, what now?
I went on dates. Many dates actually. My friends told me to put myself out there. I was unavailable for the most part of my life, mind you. At first, I was not ready at all to dive into the world of dating. The thought of seeing new people was overwhelming. The experience was daunting to say the least.
I signed up for several dating apps. Tagged, Tinder and just recently OkCupid.
Every man I swiped right and chatted is a possibility. I must have swiped over a thousand men now. Initially it was fun. It was a confidence booster. I needed that. I need to know that I am still relevant in the dating market. That my face still sells. Then these apps got boring.
All the people I ended up meeting in person falls short of my expectation. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I am asking for the impossible. But maybe it's also because I am tired of dating and meeting with the wrong people that I have decided to stop looking for love.
For a little while, I lost hope in finding love. I didn't want to go through the hassle of dating again. I find it a chore to get to know a person. For once, I want someone to chase me. If ever I meet someone I like, I want him to chase me around instead of me having to text him or ask him out first. I want to be pampered. I want love to find me.
But every time I tell someone I am giving up, they tell me not to. That I should press on and keep on looking for him. So many people told me stories of others meeting their soulmates after a bad breakup and in a short period of time, got married. Well, it hasn't happened to me. Yet.
So yes, I am still on the shelf, waiting for my Prince Charming to find me and hopefully sweep me off my feet.
But that is ok. I want my Prince to find me when I am at the highest point in my life. I want him to have me when I am happiest, when I am content with my life, when I have fully forgiven myself. I want him to find me when I am ready to fall in love again.
I hope one day, when my future husband reads this, he smiles knowing that I prepared myself to meet him.
Hey future husband, what's taking you so long?