Change (Pt. 1)

I missed last Wednesday's post because I was having a writer's block. I wrote two long posts about two different things and I wasn&...

I missed last Wednesday's post because I was having a writer's block. I wrote two long posts about two different things and I wasn't feeling it. Then on Sunday afternoon, I watched Sex And The City and I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about today.

I have never been a social butterfly. I find it mildly daunting to make new friends. It puts pressure in my head, it makes me sick in the stomach and generally it makes a turtle out of me. Growing up, I was never the kind to make eye contact with anyone. I was called shy one too many times. 

I am comfortable with the group of people that I know. Also, I am not too fond of change. I hate change because it messes up the routine that I have painstakingly created. I feel autistic at times because of my inability to accept change. 

All my life, I made sure change was minimal. If it wasn't, you can find me at home, locking the door, crying under the blanket for days. Weeks even. After PSLE, I went to West Spring Secondary School (holla WSSS alumni and current students!). I was the only one from my primary school to be there. My first year in secondary school was hard. I was often absent. I was so close to packing my stuff and move to a school next door because my primary school close friends were there. 

Then I made friends and stuck to a group of them I found comfortable. Not long after, I left the group (this sounds so childish) due to differences and boyfriend issues. Oh that change was just as bad. I reproach myself day and night thinking it was my fault. So in my third year in secondary school, I stuck with a group of girls who were carefree and just as fun, if not fun(ner).

In fact, I stayed friends with two of them and we moved on to polytechnic together. 

This is a story I tell my students often because I don't want them to repeat the mistake I made. 

I was so scared of going to a new school, meet new people and make new friends. The thought of having to introduce myself in front of possibly judging people was enough to make me nauseous. I was very interested in the media, communications and fashion courses but went past them and walked to the other booths.

One day, we went to Nanyang Polytechnic's open house and stopped by School of IT's booths. IT was never in my list of courses. But then, a lecturer came up to us and said the magic words, "If you put Engineering Informatics as your first choice and you leave your name here, you will be in the same class."

That was music to my ears. 

So, Engineering Informatics was on my first choice and I prayed that whatever the lecturer said was true. We got in, of course. Same class. I was over the moon! I was in a new school but with the same group of people who knows me well enough. I'm sure I will be the happiest girl in NYP. Boy, I was wrong. 

Although I managed to keep change to a minimum, I wasn't happy. I am not exactly your geeky computer nerd. Neither am I a programming creep. I was more interested in clothes and makeup. In year two, I was struggling. I employed help from seniors with my projects. Let's be real, you do that too right? 

My point here is, I graduated with a GPA score so bad no university would want me. In fact, I hated school so much I couldn't care less about attending university at that time. 

Even after graduating, I got the same job as my good friend. We even went for our three month course together. I never had to deal with change. 

I thought I could get away with no major changes in my life but Allah decided to show me who's in charge.

To be continued...

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