When I Grow Up

I recall vividly having to work on my primary school homework.  It was titled 'My Ambition'. I remember we had to write a...

I recall vividly having to work on my primary school homework. 
It was titled 'My Ambition'.

I remember we had to write a paragraph about it and present it to the whole class next day. I was a little afraid that everyone in my class would laugh at my ambition. It was a little out of the normal. It's not exactly something an eight year old (in the 90s) should/would want to be. 

I did my presentation still (no running away from teacher). Nobody laughed, thankfully, but some of my friends came up to me and asked if it is a proper job. To which I replied, "I don't know." I just knew I wanted to be it.

I wanted to be Ms Universe. 

As I grew older, I wanted to be a teacher. I would play pretend with my brother and be a teacher in a class of one. I wanted to be a teacher because I thought it was cool. Also because I wanted to wear nice clothes. 

I did, eventually, become an educator. Although a class of one is unlikely. Dressing up became a chore, trust me. So teacher was ticked off!

As I progressed into secondary school, I wanted to be an actress. Actually I just wanted to be famous. At that point, it did come true. I was very involved in television and theatre acting. It took up a part of my life for a very long time. So acting and becoming 'famous' got ticked off too!

When I was in polytechnic, I dabbled in fashion. Sort of. I enjoyed dressing up and putting on makeup. Although I think, those days are better off forgotten. What was I thinking? But as least I suffered major fashion and makeup faux pas way before. It was also the beginning of fashion blogging. I could only spend hours of my time in lecture and tutorials scrolling through the pages of my favourite bloggers. And ultimately being jealous of them. 

Years later, I ticked that one off too. 

Now that I am a full bloom adult, who recently quit teaching and is a fashion blogger, I asked myself again. 

What do I want to be? 

I am lucky enough to be everything that I wanted to be. I didn't realise it until recently. For a long time, I kept saying I am not where I want to be. I haven't realised my dreams. Truth is, I did all of that. I became an actress, an educator and a blogger. I never got to be Ms Universe but I am a Ms Universe in my own right. 

A year ago, I wanted to see the world. I haven't seen the whole world but I am lucky enough to be able to see parts of it. I have been rewarded with the sustenance to see a little at a time. Two years ago, my passport was as clean as a tissue. Today, I can tell a little story from the inks that is in it. 

A few months ago, I wanted to be a writer. Here I am, writing every week. Letting the world read my feelings and thoughts. Allowing the public to enter and immerse themselves in a little drama that I created out of my life.  

I need to count my blessings often. I tend to forget that I am lucky enough to attain most of my dreams. I have to say. At twenty six, I have achieved quite a few things. I keep telling myself that I haven't achieved anything impressive. I was wrong. I have achieved success in my own right. 

Yesterday, I posted a picture of a ring on Instagram (@nurfatiin). I bought that diamond ring myself last year. I forgot about it until recently. I remembered how accomplished I felt after walking out of the shop with the bag in my hand. As I put it on my finger, I felt powerful.

I believe in dreams. It is the most powerful gift we have. When I was an educator, I tell my kids to dream big. Sometimes you end up achieving it. If you don't, you will find something else to work for. 

So, what do I want to be? 

I don't know. I create new dreams everyday.

What about you? 



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