Maktub- It Is Written

"Maktub," she said, "If I am really a part of your dream, you'll come back one day." - The Alchemist (Paulo Coelh...

"Maktub," she said, "If I am really a part of your dream, you'll come back one day."
- The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)

A few days ago, I woke up questioning God why He hasn't answered the one prayer that I have been constantly praying for. I prayed to be filled with happiness. In my mind, I hoped that He would gift me with the man of my dreams. 

I woke up angry at everything. Perhaps I was just PMSing (which turns out to be what it was). I was angry at the world. I was angry at the little birds outside who seemed to be too happy about life that particular morning. 

I consider this my relapse. 

I have been perfectly content with myself for the past few months, enjoying the comfort of my own voice, the company of my own presence. I was actually enjoying being busy. I felt like I could now finally take over the world. Truthfully, it really felt like that. It felt like I had the world in my hands and that whatever I choose to do with it, can only be decided by only me. 

At one point, I actually don't mind going to social events alone and be around friends and potentially make new ones (although that thought is somewhat nerve wrecking). I was at Singapore Modest Fashion Weekend and I actually felt fine going out alone albeit meeting a friend at the venue. It even triggered me to attend an upcoming social event by myself, without a plus one, which is hella scary for me but whatever it is worth I have to do it. 

I was also angry at the fact that suddenly, I have no job offers. I applied for every job imaginable but none came back to me. I was very frustrated too because I was tired and I wanted to just do something. I was angry at the world for having it better than me. 

Until I saw a post. 

It was an a-ha! moment for me. 

The reason I can get through life for the past few months because I believed in this. I believed in Maktub. I believe in what has been written. My mind has been at ease knowing that whatever happened to me, was written. I am now just going through life the way I was supposed to. But how could I have forgotten this? Why was I questioning Him? 

It was not until I saw this that I remembered how I managed to find peace with myself. I let go. I allowed Him to handle my life. I am at ease everyday knowing that I am where He wants me to be exactly at right now. I am at ease knowing that the good things He has promised me is probably very near. All I have to do is be patient. Be grateful. 

In that moment, I accepted fate. 

Everyone needs a reminder once in a while. Me, especially. I am probably still out of job because I am meant to do something else. I am still single because The One is on his way and He has promised me the best person. Every new people I meet, is a given too. They are meant to breathe life into me. It is just His way of getting me to understand the world, and myself.

This morning I woke up feeling so grateful. I still get to hear my mom making so much noise outside. I still get to hear my brother playing games in his room and laughing loudly. I still get to wake up from my sleep. 

"My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me,
and that what misses me was never meant for me."

I just have to be patient. 



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